Circle of Life ...

Ms. Daisy has gone through so very many changes in the past 2 years. She quit cooking (no discussion) never looked back, stopped driving begrudgingly, and handed over her finances since my memory is slightly better than hers. Two years ago I requested her primary care physician prescribe something for her memory loss but she informed us that dementia is part of growing old and there was nothing that could be done about it. Well she has gone from crabby & crotchety to downright evil and will go from sweet unassuming old lady to Senora Satan in a matter of seconds. She will tell people she has fallen (she fell 1 x in the house and the paramedics were called), she has bumped her head (NOPE, not even), she still drives (HAHHAHHHAAAA Hell NO), she takes the bus (thou shall not), she has been out of town (not recently), and when I get home from work I say "What did you do today?" Her response can be something like "Oh I went to Fontana to see my sister"...said sister has been dead for the past 38 years. Or she may say "Where's my bag? Who's going to take me to the train station in the morning?" When asked where she's going she says "Home, I have to leave Texas I have an appointment with Dr. Johnson next week"... Dr. Johnson? I believe he's been dead since the mid 80's, she also has begun asking if I have seen her mother 
;-( I try not to put her on blast about her forgetfulness but then sometimes she get VERY angry and will slam her hand on the table with great force. She has surprisingly strong hands for an old lady, that cracks me up...her hands are stronger than mine! Well she gets mad, cackles to herself about things that didn't happen, she has tried to fight my dad cussed her daughter out (not surprising) SEVERAL times and threatened to call the police on her. FINALLY someone has listened...today she was prescribed medication to help her with her memory and something to take the edge off the BAA *BadAssAttitude* There are some possible side effects but they can't be worse than what we deal with now...#GODHELPUSALL

Before Meds

#keephopealive

Life Questions

So EVERYONE I know had in-depth conversations about the Strawberry Letter where the young lady had been dating and sleeping with an older man for 3 years when she very abruptly and rudely found out he was her father (it was confirmed by DNA testing). The question I asked was...HOW do you date someone for 3 years and NEVER once taken them around not a single family member. No pictures of the two of you on the wall, no family barbecues, no holidays, not a birthday party, funeral OR wedding. That is so bizarre to me. I'm very protective of my little chickadees but once you meet them then it's on and you're about to meet the rest of my ragtag crazy family; not that I date around and introduce everyone to my babies. But if I think it's serious and to me 2 years is serious then you should be meeting the fam somewhere about 12-18 months mark (if not before). People have different types of rules and regulations for dating. Some people will only date one person for so long before they feel like they HAVE to move on. Some people are rotating daters, will not and cannot date one person at a time. Some people will only date for so long before the relationship has to move to the next step (whatever that may be). Things to think about...what's too long or too old to date someone? How long before you introduce them to family? At what point do you say we've dated for 17 years and clearly I need to move on? Just thinking about some things.

Summer Break

I cannot believe that summer is pretty much over for me and my crew. We spent a whirlwind week in the dirty dirty with family that was truly AMAZING! My teens will be returning to school before the month is over to begin their whirlwind senior year. My little man is growing like a weed.

Baby, I've got myself together and I'm BAAACK!!!!

Life

I realized something else not long ago. I realized that no matter how you feel about someone else, no matter what you want from them, people are only willing to give so much of themselves. I finally woke up and realized that my happiness is most important. I also realized that I'm not #thatchick. I can't sit and wait patiently like a trained puppy, creep around like it doesn't matter, and only get whatever crumbs someone is willing to share with me.

I need and deserve the most out of life. I shed a few tears, but I feel okay. This is really hard but I'm going to be okay. This has gone on far too long, and it's past time to close that chapter of my life. I will remember and cherish it but I need to live my life and really live, not sit around waiting and hoping for a chance that's never going to come. Boy the lessons I am learning not at the hands of others but through my own life experiences...#definitelyNOTthejumpoff

Speechless

I'm at a loss for words right now. SMH...again I've done it to myself. I've got to learn these lessons.

Lessons

FML...that's how I'm kind of feeling today. Kids are gone and I am exhausted. I was up til 3am hanging out and realized something on the way home. I am not cut out to be a sidepiece. I talked to Ms. Daisy about the situation and she said do nothing it will resolve itself. The problem with that is I'm impatient and want answers and resolution now. I do know what I want...I want someone who can be here for me physically and emotionally. We cannot continue to live in the moment and not talk about what else is going on it's just not that simple. We are adults, I can't tell him how to live his life but I know what I want and he can't give it to me. He may not even be interested, I don't know what he wants because we don't have real conversations anymore (I think he's good with physical only). I don't know how long this can go on, but I will take Ms. Daisy's advice and enjoy the time while we have it. There will be no talks about feelings, and the future, there are no emotions involved. #wanting more than a cuddle buddy #actively looking.