Lessons

FML...that's how I'm kind of feeling today. Kids are gone and I am exhausted. I was up til 3am hanging out and realized something on the way home. I am not cut out to be a sidepiece. I talked to Ms. Daisy about the situation and she said do nothing it will resolve itself. The problem with that is I'm impatient and want answers and resolution now. I do know what I want...I want someone who can be here for me physically and emotionally. We cannot continue to live in the moment and not talk about what else is going on it's just not that simple. We are adults, I can't tell him how to live his life but I know what I want and he can't give it to me. He may not even be interested, I don't know what he wants because we don't have real conversations anymore (I think he's good with physical only). I don't know how long this can go on, but I will take Ms. Daisy's advice and enjoy the time while we have it. There will be no talks about feelings, and the future, there are no emotions involved. #wanting more than a cuddle buddy #actively looking.

Father's Day

Today I feel a little emotional...the sperm donor wasn't much, but I am thankful for my life, I miss my Grandfather, my Uncle Louis and I'm trying not to cry. I had a dream about the donor not long ago and it was weird because in the dream I was talking to him and I was telling him how angry I was and he was just sitting their holding my hand smiling. In a perfect world I would have someone to share today with. Someone to say thank you for being an amazing father, and great husband. Even someone just to hang out with today. I think it's just loneliness, I will be okay.